- Japan x Reader
All my life I've felt regret. Well, for the most part anyway. It all began in nursery, when I was just 4 years old. I didn't understand the meaning of the word, but felt it deep inside.
I lived in the country at the time I met Elizabeta. She was my first friend, for my siblings were only 1, and too young to play any of the games I liked.
When I was about 8, I left the country to visit the big city with my mother and her new boyfriend. He was taking us to where he was brought up. Here we went to another school and, after a year, met my new friend, Hercules. Hercules often kept himself to himself and played video games to keep himself awake. I really enjoyed my few years here for I had a new friend, understanding teachers and a new baby sister to play with.
However, my life was turned from good to miserable when I found out about my school closing down to be used as a car park for a local mall. To make matters worse, we needed to move again due to the new born being ill, earning an eating disorder. In order to regain her strength, we needed to live closer to the hospital in the center of town.
I had moved schools again and spent my last 2 years of primary school in a small school. I made a few friends, but my best friends where Alfred and his brother Matthew. Matthew and I were closer together and played games all the time and visited each others house all the time, mostly to play hockey or base ball.
When moving to high school, Matthew and Alfred went to the same school as me, but after a few years, Alfred faded to his own group of friends.
When I was 14, I had met a quiet boy called Kiku Honda, a student who followed Japanese tradition. His hair was always a bowl cut and his eyes a deep brown. For some reason, I felt a connection between us, which was blinded by my hormones running wild. I became crazy and dated a boy called Gilbert, who was in the year above. We met in an extra curriculum club, which during the breaks we were allowed, we sneaked out the room for make out sessions. As much as I enjoyed the attention I was given, our relationship didn't feel right, even when he gave me a stuffed animal for my birthday. It wasn't long after, his brother Ludwig got jealous and turned my friends; Ivan, Natalia and Ukraine, against me. Gilbert noticed the hate I received and decided to stick with his brother, leaving me alone with nothing.
Due to the emptiness I felt, I searched on a social networking site for someone to pull me from my depression, finding a generous boy called Antonio. He was sweet and gentle for the year we dated, but was heart broken once he found out about my addiction. I was dating a lot of other guys, including Rome and Arthur which shattered his weak heart.
I had never felt so disgraced with my actions and so began to concentrate solely on my work. However it wasn't long before I began crushing on a guy called Feliciano, a happy go lucky sort of guy. After months of trying, I finally admitted my feelings to him, but realized I was too late as Ludwig held his side, demanding I left them alone.
My heart was in pieces and often hid in the school library to hide away from all the hate when Kiku found me once again along with his friends Yao, Im Yong and Taiwan. Due to him being my only friend, I told him everything that had happened. He then explained to me that he would always stay by my side, no matter what it took, all his friends agreeing, noticing his new found passion.
We'd gotten closer, a lot closer over the next few months. I had began to feel a foreign sensation when near his side, but understood that he was one for space. As time passed, Kiku and I were merged together in classes and teams, always sitting beside one another no matter what way the teacher set us out. After a while, I felt as though it was time I pushed our relationship that little further when I had fallen ill during class.
The heat was over powering and due to the school being so old, there wasn't any air conditioners. I rested my head on the table, feeling my stomach churn as Kiku looked toward me, asking if I was alright. I explained I wasn't feeling so well, but burnt when he held my free hand beneath the desk, telling me everything is okay. Already I began to feel better and looked over to Kiku, who looked to the window with a red color staining his cheeks.
After that, Kiku and I had gotten a lot closer and stayed together for everything. He was adorably sweet too. He shared his lunch with me when the lunch line was too big, stating he didn't want me trampled on on the way through. He gave me his gloves when the weather was bitterly cold. He explained things whenever I didn't understand... We even wrote notes to one another and it was after 3 weeks I asked him if he had any feelings for me. He didn't answer for a while, which made me presume he was thinking about it, which he was until Valentines day.
Kiku and I had a field trip due to one of the classes we shared; Electronics. We were visiting a college to learn about 3D printers and which computer software was able to create simple tasks like a button light. When it was lunch time, I gave him a valentines card, not expecting him to give one back. He told me not to open it until I was alone and once I was, my heart melted at the words.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
It's strange to hear me say this
But I love you...
I ran out to find him, hugging him close, causing him to burn and somewhat panic. He then told me not to do that again, unless we were alone together, which I agreed and somehow managed a hug out of him every day before going home.
Suddenly, in mid April, I was dragged away from my home due to another sibling's birth and personal needs to be safe. I felt hurt...hurt that I hadn't said goodbye... Due to his parents, he didn't have email or a phone number, so contacting him was impossible...which just made my heart crack more.
I spent the last year of high school somewhere new again, making friends with a rowdy loud mouthed boy called Lovino. Once he realized I was almost always upset, he and his friend Francis, would try and comfort me. Francis actually told me; "fate has a way of bringing your wishes to life," and this saying has stayed with me ever since.
And so, today, mid Janurary and I'm moving once again to the country where I was born. I have finished school now and all my younger siblings are in full time education, so it's just me and my mother home alone.
I often feel regret, but remember what Francis told me. Holding Kiku's card close, I sit in my room and gaze out the window, a single tear slipping down my face, wishing I would see Kiku once more...
And so I promised myself...I will wait for you Kiku...I'll wait...no matter how long it takes...
